When you breakup with someone one of the most confusing aspects of the whole experience is not how you’re feeling, but how they’re feeling. You get the opportunity to analyze your thoughts, emotions, and intent.

He or she does not get this luxury. So, uncertainty of where he or she stands, leads to one question: “Will he or she want to get back with me?” Sadly, this often is not clear.

He or she does not flat-out say anything but expresses what he or she is feeling through a million little ways. Learning to see these things may allow you to move from guesses to facts.

Why Does it Matter?

Truthfully, reconciling is not all about you and how you feel. It requires two people to want it to happen or nothing will be made of anything at all. Without those feelings communication can become a long-one way road.

This is why seeing those things actually matters, because those are the only signs there is room to proceed with this kind of relationship.

#1 – Easy communication

One of the very first signs is when communication starts feeling easy again. When he or she can talk to you without difficulty, and fast responses that do not cause you pain are coming from you two, know something has shifted.

This does not always mean they have forgiven you, but rather they are willing to talk to you again.

#2 – They are initiating conversations now and then.

One of the surest signs that your ex is willing to talk to you again is if they reach out to you sometimes now and then. It is something that is initiated by them, rather than all the communication being a response to your reach outs.

It does not mean long conversations necessarily, but just simply a text saying, “hey, how’s it going.” It means they are willing to engage with you.

#3 – Conversations are getting longer

Typically if they want absolutely nothing to do with you, then you’ll have a short one or two-word response.

But when they are starting to reply more thoroughly and take a bit longer to do so, you know the level of comfort between you two has greatly increased. It signifies that they are no longer afraid of giving a bit more and don’t have an issue with saying something more involved than how they are feeling.

#4 – He or she is interested in what’s going on with you

Your ex may not even realize it but a definite sign is when they want to know about your life. Asking you what you have been up to, how you’re doing, or what new things are going on are important topics to discuss.

It is easy to disregard a few questions as nothing significant, but to your ex they may be more.

#5 – Your ex is no longer bringing up your past relationships

When you first breakup conversations typically revolve around how and why you’re relationship didn’t work. Discussions always go back to things that went wrong or anger you have for each other.

If your ex is trying to make the conversation about what’s happening right now in life, and not about how badly you messed up, then the anger from before must have disappeared.

#6 – Things are more consistent

Often times when you have broken up your ex may text you every now and then with no reason, and then not speak to you for weeks on end.

When that starts to become a bit more consistent, this means you can predict what you’re going to get from your ex and know you won’t be taken by surprise because that certain something going on in there head now knows communicating with you is not such a bad thing.

#7 – Defensiveness has disappeared.

When you first breakup with your ex you’re expected to be all over each other emotionally and verbally.

But when this dies down, you’ll have less defensive responses to your texts, allowing you to have actual communication with the person instead of one that has built-up anger around it.

#8 – The conversation has become easy.

When it comes to having conversations with you, if it no longer seems like a strain and is very simple and easy, then things are starting to look positive. Natural questions and concerns are asked as opposed to conversations that you have to push to talk about what the subject is.

What These Mean

These aren’t concrete proof they want you back. What they mean is there has been a little progress in reducing distance. When none of these have been seen you’ll realize trying to have a communication will most likely fail.

Overthinking These Signals will Derail you

It’s easy to read too much into conversations. That is one reason you’ll want to focus on one single response rather than the conversations as a whole. Your ex won’t have everything figured out overnight either; this all has to build-up to something and it only comes when communicating is consistent.

How to Respond If you have noticed these signals

If these things start happening, you will want to ask them for that thing they want to talk to you about immediately. No, this will do the opposite and push them away and make you look too eager.

Try to talk on their terms first and meet their comfort level so that they feel there is no added pressure. You can afford to be patient; you don’t need to make a response happen immediately. It is great you know where you stand with your ex, now it is up to both of you on what you’re going to do.

Recognising these signals becomes much easier when you understand how reconnecting with your ex develops over time rather than relying on isolated signals

Final Thought

So how do you know your ex wants to get back together? The truth is they don’t always tell you; it builds-up over a short period of time.

It appears slowly in the form of conversations, how they text you, what they’re willing to say; all this says there’s a possible shift in their willingness to reconcile, which often goes unnoticed. These feelings signify a deeper shift of how they are really feeling in their mind, which needs to be handled in a specific way to get what you want.

Reconnecting With Your Ex – Next Steps

• Signs You Are Ready To Contact Your Ex
• What To Say To Your Ex After No Contact
• When Should You Reach Out To Your Ex

About The Author

A.J. Carter

A.J. Carter writes about relationship psychology, breakup dynamics, and the emotional patterns that influence how relationships change over time.

The goal of The Ex Plan is to help readers understand the psychological patterns behind breakups so they can approach their situation with clarity and make thoughtful decisions about what comes next.